Tuesday, November 4, 2014

The Big Secret

     It's been a little bit since I last posted, and I would love to say it was because I had a vacation spent full of fun.  I would love to say that, but no, it was full of the flu, tissues and coughing stars into my field of vision.  Thankfully, only my middle child became ill as well, sparing number one and number three from hacking up phlegm balls around the house. 
     Having a little bit of time to lay around without the ability to do anything worthwhile allowed me to wonder about how much being a grown-up sucks sometimes and all the secrets that no one mentions to you while you're young.  If you're lucky, maybe your mother breaks down one night over a glass of wine/shot of whiskey/cold beer, tells you to pull up a chair and take notes:

  • you know that random stray hair that you tweeze from your eyebrow - get ready for when you have to pluck them from your upper lip
  • or from your chin
  • or your knuckles
  • no matter how sick you get, the children still need to eat
  • and laundry still has to get done, along with grocery shopping and other mundane joys
     And the big secret ...
  • with each beautiful child that you bring into this world, the chances will increase that when you cough/sneeze/laugh too hard, you better squeeze your legs together fast or you're going to pee.
     Now somebody out there is going to say, but if you do Kegel exercises that won't happen.  This is where I cry out bullshit to that notion.  Oh it'll help, but it's not the cure all.  The fancy name is stress incontinence, and it effects millions of women.  Millions ... but nobody talks about it.  I can only imagine that the Duggar matriarch either has stock in Depends or catheters.  Whoopi Goldberg was the face of a number of slightly amusing Poise pad commercials 4 years ago, aimed mostly at baby boomers.  Some argued it belittled important historical women or medicalized a common situation to make it sound like a disease.  I thought it forced us to talk about our bodies and not be ashamed - even if it made our spouses uncomfortable.  

     Here's the obligatory web.md link - http://www.webmd.com/urinary-incontinence-oab/america-asks-11/stress


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